


re:birth

by hoteldelfino



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Break Up, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Spoilers, Slow Burn, catcalling, endgame yukimomo but when momo first meets yuki he’s dating yamato, yamayuki will get a bit… toxic so just a heads up, yuki dissociates bc im projecting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoteldelfino/pseuds/hoteldelfino
Summary: in which yuki and momo first meet as students of the same university, yamato and yuki's relationship falls apart, momo helps yuki put the pieces back together, and everything falls into place.
Relationships: Momo/Yuki (IDOLiSH7), Nikaidou Yamato/Yuki
Comments: 18
Kudos: 15





	1. found & lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> always wanted to write some kind of college au and re:vale are like angels guiding me thru this pandemic so ♡ enjoy this 100% spoiler-free yukimomo smoothie topped with bittersweet yamayuki sprinkles ☆ 
> 
> *side note: this fic’s title is from the song of the same name by acid black cherry, and i’ll be naming each chapter after a song title too, rather than me rambling on about songs in the chapter notes, so if you want a more in-depth reader’s experience then you can just search the song from each chapter title (most if not all will be japanese songs tho) :3c

Yuki wouldn’t normally ride the outer city bus as opposed to the inner campus bus, but he had no choice, clutching the ticket in his hand as he set his intentions on arriving downtown to see his boyfriend’s acting debut. However, the more the intimidating man across from his seat eyed him up and down with clearly corrupted glances, the more he regretted his decision.

“Hey, pretty boy,” the man called out from the seat across from Yuki on the bus. “You look like the delicate type... I’m really into that.”

When he didn’t hear a response, the menacing man raised his voice, much to Yuki’s dismay.

“Is that lip gloss? I bet those lips could do all sorts of things.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Yuki finally snapped, his ice cold eyes glancing up for a split second before his gaze resumed burning a hole in the floor.

“Pretty boy has a mouth on him too,” the man stood up from his seat and reached down to run his fingers through the silver strands of Yuki’s ponytail. “Even better.”

“I’d rather die than spend a night with you,” Yuki countered his sickening advances with a biting remark, despite knowing he would be quickly and easily overpowered if he tried to fight back.

“What was that?! I could snap you in half,” the man yanked Yuki’s ponytail, and Yuki gritted his teeth at the unpleasant feeling, but all of a sudden, he felt the man’s grip release from his long hair, along with an abrupt ‘thud’ sound, and Yuki’s eyes widened in shock.

The man had collapsed onto the floor of the bus, and towering over him was a man of much smaller stature, with two-tone black and white hair and piercing magenta eyes.

_ “Did he… kill him?”  _ Yuki’s mind was racing at the speed of light, and his heart skipped several beats as he waited for the stranger who immobilized his assailant to say something.

“He’s not dead, just unconscious,” the stranger answered as if he had read Yuki’s mind. “Looks like the way I hit his neck actually knocked him out cold, but it’ll only buy us a few seconds, so we really should get off at the next stop,” he extended his hand out to Yuki and nodded toward the exit door of the bus.

“Let’s get out of here, then,” Yuki grabbed the man’s wrist and knocked on the bus door, and the bus driver allowed them both to step off, seemingly uncaring as to whether or not the collapsed man on his bus floor disrupted his usual bus route or any of the other passengers.

“I was on my way downtown, but what about you?” Yuki asked as he let go of his tight grip on the man’s wrist, finding his way through the dark and crowded maze of the city by glancing at street signs in between checking a navigation app on his phone.

“Same for me, since my older sister lives in one of the high rises, but,” Momo’s word slightly trailed off as he carefully followed the path that Yuki was leading in front of him. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“I go by Yuki.”

“Yuki, like snow?” The man asked, locking eyes with Yuki, and Yuki felt slightly drawn in by how attentively his pink eyes were staring at him.

  
“Like the numerical reading,” Yuki’s eyes darted away. “It’s kind of strange, I know.”

“Oh, not at all! My name is Momo,” Momo waved his hands dismissively. “But not like ‘peach’, which is what most people tend to think! The reading is like ‘one hundred’, so I totally get where you’re coming from!”

“How interesting…” Yuki couldn’t shake the feeling that his encounter with the vibrant and surprisingly powerful stranger was something of a premonition. Premonition as to what, Yuki had no idea, but the fluttering feeling inside him just wouldn’t go away as he walked side by side with Momo under the dim streetlight.

“I’m studying kinesiology,” Momo broke the silence. “And I know a bit too much about martial arts from binge watching action movies, but... I plan to study physical therapy eventually.”

“I study music,” Yuki replied, twirling some of his hair around with his finger as his demeanor became somewhat demure; trying to tell others about his studies was always something of a struggle for him. “More specifically, music theory and composition.”

“Oh, neat! I don’t know much about that kinda thing… I mean, I have my favorite songs, of course, but I couldn’t tell you  _ why _ they’re good, y’know?”

Yuki couldn’t help but laugh in response, and in an instant, the soft sound reached into the depths of Momo’s heart and took hold of him. The more Yuki’s laughing fit went on, the more Momo was captivated by the sound, and in spite of himself, he couldn’t help but ask Yuki a question that interrupted the music to his own ears.

“Do you sing?”

“Do I... sing?” Yuki repeated Momo’s question in between lingering breaths of laughter. “Like, as in, am I a singer?”

“Yes, I mean, I could’ve guessed that anyone studying music is some kind of musician, but it’s just…” Momo found himself tripping over his own words, which he knew was unusual for him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you have a pretty voice.”

“Thank you,” Yuki gracefully accepted Momo’s compliment. “I get that a lot, actually, but… I mostly play guitar these days.”

“Not much of a singer?”

“Sure, I dreamt of becoming a singer at some point, but,” Yuki exhaled deeply before continuing. “It was nothing more than that… just a dream. Perhaps ‘pipe dream’ would be a better way of putting it?”

“Who says dreams have to be rooted in reality?”

Yuki was stunned into silence by Momo’s apt reply, and the silence in the air suddenly felt heavier as Yuki became lost in thought, contemplating the beginnings of a new song he might write later, once he finally arrived home from his whirlwind of a long day.

“Anyway, I hope you’ll let me stick around,” Momo tilted his head as he waited for Yuki to respond. “At least until you safely arrive at your destination?”

“Of course,” Yuki managed to find words again. “Thank you, Momo.”

_ “The way he said my name, I just… damn, he is really handsome…” _ Momo thought to himself.  _ “It’s no wonder that some creep would be drooling over him like that… Thank god I was there to step in and do something, or who knows what would’ve happened.” _

Momo noted how Yuki’s navy blue silk shirt was embroidered with silver thread, and his loose shirt sleeves flowed in the brisk autumn breeze, just as elegantly as his long hair that was tightly pulled back with a simple black hair tie. A few silver strands had come loose from Yuki’s ponytail in their rush downtown, but Momo thought that Yuki’s slightly disheveled appearance only made him look more alarmingly attractive.

“Waseda Shogekijo Drama Department…?” Momo shook his head to cut off his own dangerous train of thought before it derailed him, and he decided to distract himself by reading the sign in front of the tall building. “You’re going to see a play?”

“Yes, my boyfriend is an actor who works with this theatre, and he got the lead role in tonight’s performance, so I was worried that I might be late…” Yuki replied with his chest still heaving, even though they had stopped running a while ago, but he noticed that Momo hadn’t even broken a sweat. Yuki made a mental note to carve out some time away from his studies to exercise more, but he doubted that he would actually follow through with it in the long run.

“Ah, I see,” Momo’s voice suddenly got quieter, and Yuki lifted his gaze in concern. “I’ll be on my way, but-”

“I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me,” Yuki grabbed Momo’s shoulder to look him right in the eye as he spoke with determination. They stood at the same height, and even though Yuki was an inch or so taller than Momo, Yuki admittedly felt small in comparison to Momo, given how strong Momo had just proved himself to be for Yuki’s sake.

“Don’t mention it,” Momo laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as his eyes darted away, before eventually lowering to his phone. “I know you’re in a hurry, but… Would you mind giving me your number?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Yuki’s mouth, and he quickly typed his number into Momo’s phone before handing it back to him. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Great, I’ll see you around campus…!” Momo waved to Yuki as he walked through the revolving door of the theatre, and Momo’s last sight of Yuki was his flowing silver hair before he eventually vanished into the darkness of the building.

* * *

“You look so fucking hot,” Yamato breathed words of praise onto Yuki’s neck before crashing his lips onto his, their bodies colliding as Yamato dragged him behind stage where no one could interrupt their charade.

“As usual, you’re not taking any prisoners,” Yuki sighed into Yamato’s mouth. “Never any taste for subtlety with you.”

“When you look this perfect, how can you blame me?” Yamato pulled away only to rummage through his pockets and find the key to the green room, where the rest of the actors were supposed to be, but he knew they had long left the theatre, all on their way to some trashy bar for cheap drinks after the play.

“Just don’t tear my clothes,” Yuki hissed. “This shirt was expensive.”

“You have no idea how badly I want you,” Yamato hastily locked the door to the green room before pinning Yuki in place on the wall with his hands. “After I’m through with you, Yuki, you’re going to be ruined for anyone else.”

“We’ll see about tha-” Yuki’s voice cut out as soon as Yamato’s knee brushed against his upper leg, and Yamato’s tongue effectively silenced him.

Yuki felt all the sensations in his body, just like any normal person would, but his eyes just barely revealed that his mind was somewhere much further away when he looked down, halfheartedly watching as Yamato undid the buttons of his silk shirt.

_ “Who says dreams have to be rooted in reality?” _

Momo’s words echoed in Yuki’s mind, over and over again, until Yuki resorted back to toying around with ideas for a new song, half-considering ending things with Yamato while he started to dissociate, but any thoughts of breaking up with his boyfriend were quickly dissolved as soon as Yamato’s hands on Yuki’s belt jolted him out of the haze of his foggy mind.

“So,” Yuki spoke up, his unparalleled poker face just barely saving him from revealing to Yamato that he almost lost his grip on reality. “We’re doing this here?”

“Where else,” Yamato growled, having made quick work of Yuki’s shirt and throwing it haphazardly onto a nearby couch. “It’s not like we haven’t done this before.”

“You seem wound up,” Yuki’s lips parted in surprise as Yamato took hold of his waist and pulled him down onto the couch. “More so than usual.”

“How sweet,” Yamato’s eyes hungrily followed his boyfriend’s movements as Yuki climbed onto his lap. “But we both know I’m not into pillow talk.”

“Hmm…” Yuki couldn’t help but let a moan escape from his lips as Yamato’s hands roamed around his chest. “Maybe couch talk will do.”

“Kiss me like you miss me, and fuck me like you hate me,” The corners of Yamato’s lips curled upward into a wicked smile as Yuki grinded on top of him, clearly pleased with his actions. “There, is that good enough to satisfy the genius songwriter himself?”

“I suppose…” Despite how turned on he was, almost breathless as he burned from the heat of the moment, Yuki had to bite back the urge to laugh Yamato’s over the top gestures, and he wondered if part of Yamato’s mind was still on stage, as he was such a gifted actor in his eyes. “Now shut up and let’s get this over with... Before someone tries to enter the green room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heavy yamayuki angst ahead in upcoming chapters but... they’re just so hotte :/ esp in second beat.. but this is spoiler-free after all so i won’t be including any references to the anime in this fic :’) and i plan to keep this fic at a consistent M rating as well so i’ll leave the spicie rest to yalls imagination ;)
> 
> btw yuki being easy to laugh is one of my favorite canon things… pls cherish him with me!! and feel free to leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed (more support = faster updates) :3c


	2. colors of the spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is referring to nakigahara by the gazette T___T <3 very good but very sad song.. i recommend saki rose’s cover on youtube for a visual translation if u want to listen!

Momo [8:37 AM]: Is this Yuki? I hope I didn’t msg a wrong number hehe

Yuki rubbed his eyes as he looked at the time on his phone screen.  _ “It’s already past noon… How did I even get home?” _

He vaguely remembered Yamato dropping him off back at his own place last night, but his head was still spinning from everything that happened yesterday. On top of everything, Yuki was far from a morning person, but he assumed that Momo was, based on how early he had texted him.

Yuki [1:26 PM]: Yes

Yuki [1:27 PM]: Sorry for my late reply, slept in

Yuki covered his eyes with his wrist to shield his face from the sun filtering through his window as he lied in bed, his blankets covering his body all the way up to his chin, and he couldn't be bothered to tame his silver hair as it stuck out in every direction on his pillow. Yuki was so comfy, but still felt somewhat depressed, so he  _ really _ didn’t want to get out of bed, even though it was past noon, until the buzz of his phone jolted him out of his cozy position anyway.

Momo [1:29 PM]: Figured that was the case (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ 

Momo [1:30 PM]: Crashed as soon as I got to my sister’s place  (。-ω-)zzz and guessed you were tired too, I mean anyone would be after that lol

_ “I was already tired, but Yamato wore me out even more,”  _ Yuki thought to himself, groaning when he sat up in bed. Every part of his body ached, but he would die before he ever told Momo that his muscles weren't sore from running down the city streets together last night, but from his boyfriend fucking him senseless afterward. If he was being completely honest, Yuki didn’t particularly want to chat with Momo right after he’d woken up from such an exhausting day beforehand, and since he knew his mood was notoriously poor in the morning, Yuki didn’t want to risk saying something mean to someone as amiable as he understood Momo to be. Nonetheless, Yuki’s eyes gravitated toward the cute emoticons in his messages, and he couldn’t help but start typing a response, not wanting to leave him on read.

Yuki [1:32 PM]: What are those faces

Momo [1:33 PM]: Faces (・o・。)ゞ? Like this lol

Yuki [1:34 PM]: Yes those

Yuki [1:34 PM]: How do you use them

Momo [1:35 PM]: Silly ( ´艸｀) Every keyboard has the option to use them in the bottom left

Momo [1:35 PM]: Are you sure you’re using the same Japanese keyboard as everyone else LOL

Momo [1:36 PM]: Maybe I’m texting an alien from outer space (º □ º l|l)

_ “Cute… He’s cute,”  _ Yuki ran a hand through his disheveled hair.  _ “It’s been a while since my heart raced like this… I wonder what I should say to him.” _

Yuki [1:36 PM]: Maybe so

Yuki [1:36 PM]: Anyway are you free later

Momo [1:37 PM]: Depends  _ ♪(´ε｀ )  _ When is later?

_ “Is that a whistling face? How cute,”  _ Yuki thought to himself, hopping out of his bed and biting back an ‘ouch’ as his muscles ached again.

Yuki [1:38 PM]: Maybe we can hang out somewhere around 6

Yuki [1:38 PM]: I still have to shower and finish an assignment

Momo [1:39 PM]: Works for me  _ (。･∀･)ﾉ  _

Momo [1:40 PM]: Take your time sleeping beauty lol

Yuki dropped his phone on the cold floor of his bathroom, and its screen would’ve shattered if it weren’t for the light green protective case around it. 

He decided to take a cold shower instead of a warm one, shaking his head violently as he shampooed his long hair, trying to rid the words ‘sleeping beauty’ from every last corner of his mind.

* * *

Momo [5:28 PM]: How’s that assignment going ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ

Momo typed out a quick message to Yuki with his newly painted pink nails, done by his older sister while he stayed at her place for the weekend. His dorm was under some kind of renovation, which didn’t necessarily require him to move out, but Momo was a very light sleeper and the noise kept waking him up, so as much as he enjoyed stealing glances at some of the construction workers on his way to class in the mornings, Momo decided to stay at his sister’s apartment downtown until his dorm was back to normal. 

Yuki [5:31 PM]: Just finished

Yuki [5:32 PM]: I’m stressed, do you want to grab a drink

Momo couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear at the mere thought of sitting in a bar next to the handsome musician, even if he had to extinguish the flames in his heart just as quickly as they caught fire, since Yuki did have a boyfriend after all. Even so, making a new friend with the same orientation as him always held promise.

Momo [5:35 PM]: Sounds fun lol where do u wanna go?

Yuki [5:36 PM]: Not sure, you decide

Momo [5:36 PM]: Okay ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ 

Momo [5:37 PM]: I can meet you at 7 near the subway station?

Momo [5:37 PM]: There’s a surprisingly nice hole in the wall there!

Yuki [5:38 PM]: I trust your judgement

Momo felt his heart skip a beat.  _ “Could it be that… He’s flirting with me? There’s no way. He’s already dating someone else.” _

Yuki [5:38 PM]: See you then

Yuki [5:39 PM]: And by the way  


Yuki [5:39 PM]: Those bears are quite cute

Momo [5:40 PM]: You mean ʕง•ᴥ•ʔง This lil guy?

Yuki [5:41 PM]: That one reminds me of you on the bus

Yuki [5:42 PM]: Which was also cute in its own way

_ “He thought I was cute?”  _ Momo felt a strange burst of confidence as he hopped off the couch of his sister’s living room where he’d been sleeping the night before, scurrying over to the bathroom to change into some kind of presentable outfit for Yuki. Whatever that involved, Momo would find out when the time came, but in the meantime, he balled his fists in excitement after shutting the bathroom door behind him to change clothes.  


Momo [5:45 PM]: If beating up bad guys is cute, then I wanna do it more often lol

Momo [5:46 PM]: Anyway cya then~

* * *

“This just won’t do,” Yuki’s clothes were scattered all around his otherwise immaculately organized room. Yuki’s cleanliness was next to godliness, his bedroom reflecting how closely his existence rang true to the cliched saying, but the longer he stared in the mirror, the more his thoughts became disorganized.

“What should I wear…” Yuki crossed his arms, his eyes narrowed into a thin line as he scanned his closet for the hundredth time, until a two-tone black and white shirt jumped out at him, like a fit of inspiration in his darkest hour.

“Black and white… Just like his hair, huh.”

Yuki could only wonder if the lighter tips of Momo’s hair were some kind of dip dye, ultimately deciding against texting him just to ask such a trivial question. As he slipped on his usual set of black oxford shoes, Yuki decided to add one last finishing touch to his outfit; a black choker necklace paired with a longer silver necklace, both of which accentuated the elegantly sharp angles of his neck.

* * *

“I usually go to this one izakaya downtown,” Momo spoke to Yuki as they walked side by side, but he kept facing forward with his eyes fixed on the ground, so as to not lose his footing in the dimly lit street. “But you strike me as the type of guy who frequents, like… Upscale places?” 

“I can see how I might give off that impression,” Yuki tugged at the collar of his shirt. “Maybe next time, you could show me that place?”

_ “Next time… Did he just ask me out again, when I haven’t even taken him out yet to begin with?”  _ Momo wanted to slap his own face to get a grip, but resisted the urge.  _ “Just smile and nod, Momo… and keep walking. Don’t trip and fall!” _

Momo could have very easily decided which bar they met at, especially since Yuki gave him explicit permission to do so in his message, but Momo’s insatiable curiosity about Yuki and his thought process ultimately led him to ask Yuki where he wanted to go again as soon as he saw him, only for Yuki to give him the same response in his gentle but firm voice.

Eventually, they arrived at the front door of the bar that Momo had in mind from the start, and Momo found himself holding the door for Yuki to enter before him, but he didn’t exactly know why.

“Welcome,” the bartender stopped shining a wine glass to greet them both as they walked in, dressed in a white button down and black bowtie, and Momo instantly picked up on the refined aura of the bar, but surprisingly didn’t feel nervous.

“Good evening!” Momo waved at the bartender and hopped up to sit at the bar, Yuki followed soon after, sitting right next to him.  


“What can I get for you two fine gentlemen?”

“Oh,” Momo felt his face slightly warm at the bartender’s polite compliment. “Do you guys have hard cider?”

“We do.”

Momo’s eyes creased along with his bright smile. “I’ll have that, then!”

“French 75,” Yuki said in a quiet voice, barely audible to the bartender, to which he nodded and turned his back on the two of them to prepare their drinks.

“Hmm,” Momo rested his chin in his hand, placing his elbow on the counter as he turned to face Yuki. “That sounds pretty sophisticated?”

“It’s refreshing, so I default to ordering it whenever I go out,” Yuki tugged at his own sleeve under the bar. “Gin, lemon juice, champagne, and sweetener… Deceptively simple recipe, but surprisingly easy to mess up. Kind of like cooking rice.”

“I’m definitely gonna order it myself someday, then!”

“Your drinks,” the bartender just barely interrupted the spark of their eye contact by sliding their drinks across the lacquer wood surface of the bar.

Momo nodded with a grateful smile before taking an eager sip of his drink.

“How is it?” Yuki found himself suddenly curious, as Yamato always ordered some kind of beer or liquor on the rocks whenever they went out together, but never anything like hard cider.

“It’s really fruity… Kinda like me!”

Yuki immediately covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a laugh, and Momo waved his hands in a frenzy.

“Like, since my name is Momo after all, the hints of peach in this drink mixed in with the rest of the flavors is just... Really fruity! But, I mean... I also swing that way.”

“Well, I’m,” Yuki tried to catch his breath after his laughing fit. “You’re aware that I’m…”

“Even if you didn’t tell me about your boyfriend, nothing like that gets past me either,” Momo winked at Yuki. “Not even the construction workers outside my dorm.”

The sound of Yuki’s laugh hit Momo’s ears once again, and Momo sipped his drink in self-satisfaction, overjoyed that he could hear the angelic sound again, especially since he loved it so much when they first met.

“It’s not every day that I meet someone like you,” Momo tapped his chin as he paused to think. “In any of my classes, or sports games, or... Anywhere else, really.”

“I’m sure you have, somehow,” Yuki sipped his drink with a knowing smile. “If I was your classmate, and I happened to notice your nails, then I would be transfixed for the rest of the class, and probably miss most of the lecture.”

“Oh, these? Thank you,” Momo replied with a proud grin plastered on his face, putting down his drink to admire his sister’s handiwork. “My older sister painted them last night. She’s a businesswoman, but she definitely knows her way around fashion~”

“Did she pick out your outfit, too?” Yuki said in an obviously joking tone, unable to help himself from poking fun at Momo.

“No, I’ll have you know,” Momo pouted. “I spent a grand total of five minutes putting together this outfit, all by myself.”

Upon hearing Momo’s insistent comeback, Yuki’s keen eye honed in on Momo’s toned figure in his peripheral vision, watching intently from the corner of his eye as Momo shrugged off his black bomber jacket and gently placed it on the empty bar stool next to him. 

_ “Good…”  _ Yuki thought to himself. _ “I don’t want anyone to sit next to him except me.” _

Something about the outline of Momo’s arm muscles in his plain white shirt made Yuki bite the inside of his cheek, as he knew biting his lip would ruin the pleasant atmosphere that Momo had effortlessly created between them in just a few short minutes. Yuki could clearly tell that Momo wasn’t lying, and that Momo put minimal thought into his outfit beforehand, but that’s exactly why Yuki loved it so much.

_ “I guess he's the complete opposite of me… I wish I didn’t live so much inside my own head.” _

“Anyway,” Momo chimed in again, not minding Yuki’s silence. “If I was on my way to a soccer game tonight, then I would be dunking my fingers in a bowl of nail polish remover right about now… You know how guys can be.”

“All too well,” Yuki took another sip of his mixed drink, a contented sigh escaping his lips as the sharp taste of lemon hit his throat. “Tell me more about soccer… It’s not every day I meet someone as athletic as you either, especially not in my circle of stuck-up artist types.”

“If you’re implying that you’re also a stuck-up artist, then I’d say you’re far from it,” Momo couldn’t help but snicker after he took another sip of cider. “I mean, I haven’t known you for very long, and I never like to assume, but…! Something is telling me that I’m right on the money.”

_ “Maybe he’s having the same premonition as I did before… No, that would be ridiculous,”  _ Yuki stopped himself before he could become too lost in thought.

“Anyway, whether I’m right or not doesn’t answer your original question, does it?” Momo posed a question to himself before continuing. “I’m not technically in the soccer club , but I’m close enough with some guys on the team that they let me drop in for pickup games every now and then, whenever I’m not drowning in assignments.”

“You were right,” Yuki smiled thinly at Momo. “Although I can’t say it’s easy for me to accept compliments… I still try to do so anyway.”

“Then maybe you just have to get used to them?”

The consistently simplistic truth of Momo’s words charmed Yuki to his core, and he downed the rest of his drink to distract himself from the glint in Momo’s eyes. 

“I mean, my sister and I are more free with our compliments than most siblings… Maybe I’m the weird one for thinking that was like, the norm or something.”

“Now that, I must firmly disagree with,” Yuki tucked some of his hair behind his ear as he finally gathered himself enough to look back at Momo for longer than a few seconds. “To me, love is an ideal, something to aspire to… Your older sister sounds like she’s living an example of what it means to care about someone… To care for someone and expect nothing in return. Admittedly, the concept of love disgusts me on some level, but that’s never stopped me from writing songs about it.”

“You’re amazing,” Momo interjected as soon as he could tell Yuki had finished speaking, his eyes sparkling so brightly that Yuki eventually had to look away again. “I’m so glad we met… I feel like we have a lot to learn from one another!”

“I feel the same way, Momo.”

Just as Yuki felt the pleasantly relaxing effects of his mixed drink start to kick in, he felt an irritating buzz from his phone, paired with a sense of dread, as he instantly knew who the message was from without even having to check. Yuki’s shoulders tensed as he unlocked his phone, not so subtly hiding the screen from Momo.

Yamato [8:12 PM]: yuuki

Yamato [8:12 PM]: can u stay the night at my place

Yamato [8:13 PM]: i need u

The typo of his own name and the uncharacteristically needy tone of his boyfriend’s messages tipped Yuki off that Yamato was probably drunk again, so he sighed and pocketed his phone before turning to face Momo with an apologetic look.

“I wish I could stay longer, but I have some matters that I should attend to,” Yuki stood up from the barstool and clutched his own arm. “I enjoyed talking with you… It was a much needed break.”

“For sure, let’s hang out again sometime!”

The cheerful optimism of Momo’s parting words lifted Yuki’s mood immediately, and despite how ominous his boyfriend’s message seemed to him earlier, he headed toward Yamato’s apartment with a surprisingly lighthearted feeling in his chest.

* * *

The sound of Yuki slamming the door a little too hard when he entered Yamato’s apartment immediately grabbed Yamato’s attention. He had just finished off the last of his favorite brand of whiskey seconds before he heard Yuki turn his spare key to unlock the door, so he was in a particularly bad mood that night.

“I’m back,” Yuki mumbled under his breath, though he never felt truly at home in Yamato’s arms, never completely at ease when he stayed the night at Yamato’s place, but Yuki decided that Yamato didn’t have to know any of that, at least not in that particular moment.

“Welcome back,” Yamato’s slightly slurred speech told Yuki everything he needed to know, and an unsettling feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. “You look appetizing.”

“I dont like when you talk to me like that.”

“Humor me, just this once?”

Yuki nodded his head with a quiet ‘hmph’, halfheartedly agreeing to let Yamato call him by whatever grotesque terms of endearment that he wanted to, rather than risk incurring his boyfriend’s drunken wrath. 

“Yuki, you’re so cold lately,” Yamato remarked from the small dining area where he sat at the table, his eyes half-lidded and unreadable as he looked over at Yuki. “Are you cheating on me?”

“What?”

“You heard me,” Yamato ran a hand nonchalantly through his own hair. “There must be someone else… Guys better than me aren’t that hard to find.”

“I already told you, I’ve been busy with assignments, and I’m a musician after all… Must I repeat what you’ve told me before? What was it…” Yuki tapped his chin as he paused to think. “Some nonsense about how I’m too good for you? You’re a world class actor, so don’t even try to convince me that you’re not as talented as I am.”

”No, you’re right… How could you ever be in love with me if you’re in love with music?” Yamato’s pained laughter felt like a stab in Yuki’s chest. “I was such a fool.”

“You’re no fool, but you’re such a hypocrite…” Yuki paused as he searched for the right words that might bring Yamato back to his senses, without angering him, which was a ridiculously difficult balance, even for someone as suave as Yuki. “How dare you accuse me of cheating when you’ve been drinking so much lately? With that twisted logic, you’re already cheating on me too, just not with a real person.”

”What...” Yamato’s voice lowered into a sinister and unfamiliar territory, and Yuki found himself starting to back away toward the door again as Yamato stood up from the kitchen table. “The  _ fuck _ did you just say to me?”

“I said,” Yuki’s voice wavered, but he decided to stand his ground. “I wish you would stop throwing your life away...! Put some effort into our relationship for a change! Effort that doesn’t lead to us fucking our problems away… I just miss the old you.”

”You…” Yamato grabbed the empty liquor bottle on the kitchen table and tightened his grip in a menacing gesture. “Get out of my sight.”

_ “I said too much… If looks could kill, there’s no doubt that I would be dead right now,”  _ Yuki’s thoughts started racing as he tried to hide his fear, putting on his shoes with shaky hands at the front door of Yamato’s apartment, trying to find his way out as soon as he could in accordance with Yamato’s demand.

”Please, just…” His boyfriend’s voice was devoid of any kind of emotion. “Get lost, Yuki... Before I do something I regret.”

Yuki was far too frightened to look back as he hastily shut the door behind him, running down the stairs as soon as he set foot outside. The cold drizzle of rain stung his face, and even though Yuki couldn’t bring himself to look back, he could still picture Yamato’s expression as clear as day, having seen it only once before when Yamato was practicing lines for a tragic comedy. That one time view was all it took for Yuki’s mind to paint a haunting portrait. 

No matter how badly he wanted to forget, Yuki couldn’t escape the threatening mental image of his once loving boyfriend. No matter how far he walked, he couldn’t outrun his looming dark thoughts, so he decided to put a stop to his aimless walk around the dimly lit city and head home to collapse onto his own bed. 

Yuki knew he was putting off the inevitable; the aching emptiness of sleeping alone instead of next to his boyfriend, and everything that would come after their breakup, but he was too afraid of the monster that Yamato was becoming to even dare to reach out to him again.

_ “If he really loved me, then he wouldn’t want to hurt me… that’s why he asked me to leave, right…? I wanted to leave too, I never wanted to go there in the first place, but… why does every part of me still ache?” _

Uncategorized feelings gnawed at Yuki’s heart until he eventually fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to make myself crystal clear, i love yamato to pieces as a character, and as far as i7 canon goes i don’t think he’s abusive in the slightest, but having studied/experienced alcoholism in my own life, i know a bit more about its negative effects :’( so if you go into the rest of this fic with the mindset that alcohol is being used solely as a plot device and yukimomo is endgame then you’ll probably be better off… that being said, i hope you enjoy reading and continue to enjoy, but pls do feel free to stop reading at any time if the subject matter makes you uncomf ♡ no matter what you are valid, and i just unironically love writing angst _(:3 」


	3. number five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is referring to the song #5 by ling tosite sigure ! also first part before line break is set in yuki’s dreams so just a heads up. without further ado ^___^ hope you enjoy!

Yuki saw the figure of Yamato sitting in his living room, looking painstakingly handsome as ever in his eyes. He wore a gentle green-colored button down shirt, which reminded Yuki of a welcoming forest, but the green tint of Yamato’s eyes were like that of a venomous snake.

“Yamato…?” Yuki called out to his boyfriend in a hesitant voice.

“Don’t come any closer!”

The shattering sound of glass hit Yuki’s ears before his eyes could register Yamato breaking the empty liquor bottle on the side of the door, a little bit too close to Yuki’s face.

Yuki couldn’t hear anything over the deafening sound of his heart pounding in his ears, and he started touching his face and body rapidly, checking all over to see if any glass shards had ended up lodged in his skin.

_ “Yamato isn’t going to kill me… is he?” _

* * *

Yuki’s eyes shot open and he immediately sat up in bed, his bangs falling over his face and shrouding his vision in darkness, save for the view as he looked down to his chest, sighing deeply as he noticed how heavy his breathing had gotten.

_ “Just a dream… No, that was a nightmare.” _

Yuki knew that his own life was becoming something of a living nightmare, but he definitely wasn’t the type to ignore such a strong message from his subconscious mind and go about his day like nothing had happened.

He brushed away the hair that had fallen into his vacant eyes, and grabbed his phone on his bedside table to start typing out a message to Yamato.

Yuki [6:16 PM]: Can I come over

Yuki [6:16 PM]: I want us to talk

Yuki placed his phone down onto his blankets, feeling strangely at peace as he waited for a reply, even though he knew the hardest thing he might ever have to do in his life was looming on the horizon.

Yamato [6:19 PM]: sure

_ “Classic one word reply, not sure what else I expected,” _ Yuki eyed his phone screen with half-lidded eyes, before grabbing his phone to shove it in his pocket again.

Yuki rolled out of bed, shrugged on his coat and shoes, and grabbed the key to Yamato’s apartment before leaving his room. 

* * *

“Pardon my intrusion,” Yuki muttered as he unlocked Yamato’s front door with his spare key, not loud enough for Yamato to hear.  _ “I’ll leave his spare key on the kitchen counter.” _

“Yuki,” Yamato poked out from the corner of his apartment with his signature smile that made Yuki’s insides twist. “To what do I owe the pleasure-”

“Yamato… Let’s end this.”

“What?”

“Us,” Yuki’s expression darkened. “Whatever our relationship has turned into... I… I’ve had enough of it.”

Yuki could tell that Yamato was sober, but his expression was still too unreadable for Yuki’s comfort, so he decided to keep voicing his concerns until he could tell for sure that he had reached his boyfriend’s heart. Yuki was shaken by the sudden realization that he’d been clawing away at Yamato’s heart for  _ so long _ , and he was  _ almost there _ .

“I loved you, Yamato, and I don’t want to give up on what we had, but I can’t take this anymo-”

Yamato interrupted Yuki with an abrupt but gentle hug.

“I hurt you so bad, didn’t I...” Yamato shut his eyes, a deep aching feeling settling inside him as he felt Yuki start to tremble in his arms. “I’m sorry… I’ve been awful.”

Tears started to roll down Yuki’s cheeks before he realized it, and he swallowed hard, taking every last ounce of strength he had to stop himself from hugging Yamato back. The easiest thing in the world for him to do would be to lose himself in Yamato’s arms again, and Yuki was disgusted by how much  _ he needed Yamato _ .

“Yuki… I need help, but I don’t expect you to give it to me,” Yamato pulled away, breaking apart before their embrace became too painful for either of them to withstand. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize… Just get help, that’s all I want for you,” Yuki balled his fists as he turned away to leave Yamato’s apartment, feeling himself starting to drown in a mixture of sadness and frustration. “Talk is cheap, we both know that much.”

“Well said, as always… Goodbye, Yuki.”

Yuki knew his voice would crack, but he mustered the strength to respond anyway.

“Goodbye,” Yuki stifled a sob. “Yamato.”

* * *

Yuki couldn’t remember how he ended up back in his own room, but at the very least, he could feel the freezing cold sensation of his bathroom floor on the skin of his hands and knees as he had collapsed there.

He had dissociated before, many times, but not this badly. Even his own reflection in the mirror felt completely foreign to him, and he turned on his faucet with shaky hands, desperate to get a grip again.

_ “I don’t need Yamato… But I need someone…” _

Yuki tugged at his own hair, as if the recognition of his codependent tendency was the only thread of reality he could even get a hold of.

_ “I can’t be alone tonight… I won’t make it.” _

He had long stopped crying, but his throat felt tighter as he kept hyperventilating, until the shrill sound of his phone buzzing on the tiles of his bathroom floor jolted him out of his fugue state.

_ “Momo…?” _

Yuki had absolutely no idea why he was calling instead of texting.

_ “Who am I…”  _ Yuki shook his head as he picked up his phone from the floor.  _ “No, rather, who am I to question a sign from the universe?”  _

“Hiya Yuki! Whatcha up to? I just watched the coolest kung-fu movie, and-”

“You saved me.”

Momo audibly gasped on the other end of the call, but spoke up again soon after. “Yuki, you don’t sound like yourself somehow.”

“I’m sorry… Do you ever just feel like something is a sign from God?”

“I guess so, yeah?”

“Anyway, can I come over? I need to study, but there’s so much noise in the apartment next door,” Yuki  _ finally _ regained his composure enough to give Momo a sound excuse, even if he himself doubted how believable it actually was.

“Oh, sure thing~ I’ll go buy some snacks from the convenience store! I need to study too, now that you mention it…”

“See you soon, then,” Yuki swiped at his phone to hang up, relieved when he realized that Momo sounded excited to see him again, and not appalled at how strange he sounded at the beginning of the call, or irritated at the way Yuki cut him off from talking about his kung-fu movie. 

_ “I’ll have to be sure to ask him about the movie,” _ Yuki made a mental note to himself. The aching in Yuki’s chest hadn’t subsided, not in the slightest, but at least he knew  _ who he was again _ .

“I’m so pathetic…” Yuki said aloud, speaking his insecurity into reality. “To be this bent out of shape…”

Yuki switched off the faucet of his bathtub, but not to take a bath, just to dunk his head underwater and scream at the top of his lungs. His hair got completely wet, which annoyed him slightly, but he felt relieved nonetheless.

Throwing his long hair up into a quick bun, Yuki shrugged on a hoodie and stepped outside into the chilly autumn air, his eyes fixed on the ground as he walked downtown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bathtub trope reminds me of requiem for a dream as well as perfect blue… two of my all-time favorites! if you’ve happened to see either of those movies then.. yes im not right in the head thanks for asking ;^)
> 
> (this chap was on the short side and next chap will take a bit longer bc of my irl obligations, but next chap will def be longer to make up for it! i rlly want to go more in-depth with yamayuki backstory, what led to yamato’s addiction, their breakup, so on and so forth, as well as include sweet yukimomo hurt/comfort moments.. also songfic!! so stay tuned and thanks for reading :3c)


	4. take me home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title refers to the song by ateez :’^) ive been rlly into their music since their recent comeback! anyway my apologies for the slight wait ♡ and enjoy softe yukimomos at last!!

Yuki could hear the  _ splish splash _ of his black boots as they hit the remnants of yesterday’s rain on the sidewalk. He walked with a purpose, and he clutched the strap of his shoulder bag so tightly that if it was someone’s hand, their bones would surely break.

_ “This should be the place,”  _ Yuki looked up at the apartment complex that stood tall before him, its location having been pinged to Yuki’s phone by Momo beforehand.

He opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator, as the liminal space of an empty stairwell always gave him a strange rush of inspiration, and not a hint of wariness, even though he knew that empty stairwells were typically an extremely dangerous location. Sure enough, there was no one else there besides Yuki, and before he knew it, he was lightly knocking on the door to Momo’s sister’s apartment.

“Yuki! You made it,” Momo greeted Yuki at the door with a bright smile and motioned for Yuki to step inside. “Come in, it’s kinda cold out~”

“Weather wasn’t too bad on the walk here,” Yuki managed to remember what small talk was supposed to sound like, since he gathered that Momo was the sociable type, so Yuki silently reminded himself to try his best to keep up. He was far from a conversationalist, but Yuki knew a thing or two about the art of conversation. “Much better than the rain yesterday.”

“I know, right? I hate rain, especially when it’s cold,” Momo replied as he led Yuki into a small living room area, and Yuki could see a gray upholstered couch covered in various plushies with a sizable TV across from it, as well as an assortment of video games scattered across the TV table.

“Oh! Momo, you didn’t tell me you had a friend coming over!”

Both Momo and Yuki’s attention was grabbed by the high-pitched voice calling out from the kitchenette in the corner of the studio apartment, and Yuki assumed that it belonged to Momo’s older sister, since they were guests in her apartment after all.

“Pardon my intrusion,” Yuki replied in a gentle voice while Momo’s sister faced the kitchen counter, seemingly occupied with preparation of some kind of food. Yuki hesitated to sit on the plushie-filled couch before Momo motioned for him to do so, shoving some plushies aside to make room for them both to sit next to each other.

Momo turned toward Yuki with excitement written all over his face. “I got a bunch of drinks from the convenient store, rather than taking a wild guess as to which one you might like, so take your pick~”

Yuki slightly flinched at Momo’s phrasing, mistakenly thinking for a split second that Momo had bought them alcohol, but as soon as Momo reached for his bag and pulled out an array of sparkling juices and iced teas, he breathed a sigh of relief.

_ “Come on, Yuki, who in their right mind would buy booze for a study session?”  _ Yuki chastised himself.  _ “Then again, Yamato might… No, please just forget about him already...” _

“I have an anatomy lab tomorrow morning, but I don’t mind it too much, since I wake up early anyway,” Momo grabbed some of his textbooks that were scattered underneath the coffee table, which cued Yuki to grab his own shoulder bag and rummage around for whatever would seem the most convincing as study material.

“I figured you were a morning person,” Yuki replied, showing Momo a gentle smile that didn’t reveal a single hint of the dark storm raging inside him. “I wish I could say the same about myself.”

Momo hummed in response, and the two of them fell into a comfortable silence as they leafed through various study materials. Yuki could hear sounds of a chopping knife from the kitchen, which sent a chill down his spine, as he had an intense phobia of sharp objects, one that often hindered his own culinary pursuits, but his fears were dissolved as soon as he saw Momo’s sister come out of the kitchen with a plate of finger foods.

“I made some study snacks~” Momo’s sister chimed. She wore a dark pink apron with a cute bear pattern that matched the shade of her eyes, and her long wavy hair was the same pitch black color as Momo, just without any of his white highlights.

_ “She’s adorable… Is she really older than Momo?”  _ Yuki wondered, and his slightly captivated expression brought a smile to Momo’s sister’s face as she placed the bite sized snacks on the coffee table in front of them.

“I’m Sunohara, but you can call me Ruri,” Momo’s sister introduced herself to Yuki before turning to face her younger brother. “Or Nee-san if you’re this lil guy~”

“What’s with the ‘lil guy’? I’m like, way taller than you,” Momo pouted, begrudgingly taking an octopus-shaped sausage from the table. “Thanks for the snacks, though!”

“Thanks for your hospitality,” Yuki nodded to Ruri before reaching down to grab a rabbit-shaped apple from the plate. The adorable array reminded Yuki of when his grandmother used to prepare his bento lunches for school, many years ago, and he felt a pang in his chest as the taste of apple briefly mingled with his nostalgic memory.

“Don’t mention it, I’m happy to see that Momo’s always been easy to make friends,” Ruri replied with a wistful sigh. “I wish that I was half of the social butterfly he is.”

“I have to agree, your brother is quite heroic as well," Yuki tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. "I mean... In the circumstances in which we met, I would've been injured or worse if Momo hadn’t stepped in.”

Ruri’s look of total shock cued Momo in to quickly fill in the details of the story that Yuki had started. “There was this weirdo coming onto Yuki on the bus, and he already has a boyfriend, would you believe the nerve?”

Yuki felt a blush creep up his face as Momo went on, but decided to let him finish explaining the scenario to his sister, otherwise she would never have proper context for how her brother met someone like him in the first place.

“Anyway, I did that one move that knocks people out for a few seconds, which gave us enough time to get off the bus and escape.”

Ruri covered her mouth as she softly laughed. “My little bro is a hero now, huh?”

“Hardly,” Momo rubbed the back of his neck. “You both are just too sweet to me~ I just did what any bystander should do in a situation like that.”

“Key word being ‘should’, there,” Yuki noted, and Ruri nodded along with him. “I think it’s safe to say that most people wouldn’t intervene if a tough looking stranger was threatening someone on a public bus… At least, I wouldn’t.”

“Good point…” Momo's gaze wandered off into the kitchen as Ruri walked away and eventually out of sight, then he turned to face Yuki. “Anyway, what’s it like being a music major? I’m kinda curious,” he asked in between munching another octo-sausage and flipping another page of his anatomy textbook.

“Lots of sheet music,” Yuki flipped the pages of his notebook around to show Momo, which elicited a gasp from him as he tried and failed to read the contents of the page.

“Whoa, I have no idea what any of that means, but it looks cool!”

Yuki smiled softly as he flipped the sheet music around to take another glance at it. “This page is from when I was tasked with composing a symphonic piano piece, but guitar tablature is a lot easier to read, so I prefer writing songs for guitar as opposed to piano.”

“Wait, you can play both? That’s so cool!”

Yuki’s smile widened, unbeknownst to Momo as he hid the lower half of his face behind the sheet of music. “Many years of music lessons, that’s all.”

The two young men fell into a comfortable silence, and the only things that could be heard were the sound of Yuki’s pencil scribbling on his notebook, and Momo’s pink highlighter frantically dancing across the pages of his anatomy textbook. After about a half hour of focused studying, Momo sighed in exasperation and got up to walk towards the TV.

“I think that’s about all the studying I can take,” Momo held a pink and green video game controller in his hands when he turned back around to Yuki. “Do you mind if I game for a bit?”

“What kind of game?”

“It’s this game called Splatoon! Basically, you play as a squid and try to shoot other squids, and paint the ground around you with ink,” Momo explained as he started to navigate the home screen of the game. “Do you ever play video games?”

“Just a few, here and there,” Yuki answered, looking more amused by the second as he watched Momo’s squid character flop around the main plaza in the game. “Nothing like this, though.”

Momo smirked at Yuki before turning back to the screen. “Well, guess I’ll just have to show you how it’s done~” 

Yuki shortly became transfixed as he watched Momo enter the squid battle and shoot all the other opponents with clearly practiced skill, along with painting the most ink in total by the end of the match, effectively carrying his squid team to victory.

“How was that?”

“You’re very good,” Yuki covered his face with his book again, hiding his look of amusement. “I like how the squids conceal themselves by traveling in the ink.”

“Do you wanna try?” Momo offered, inching closer to where Yuki sat on the couch, and Yuki revealed his face again as he sat up from where he had been lying down before, his curiosity piqued.

“Sure, I’ll probably do terribly, but why not,” Yuki tentatively took hold of the controller that Momo handed to him and started a new match, watching in a mix of awe and hesitation as a new team of squids appeared on the screen before him.

“Why is one of my teammates named ‘squidbag’...?”

“Oh, just ignore the dumb usernames, some of them are just ridiculous,” Momo commented, his own username of ‘peach boi’ eliciting a subtle but not unnoticed giggle from Yuki. “And if anyone squidbags you, I’ll just beat them up~”

Yuki’s heart fluttered at Momo’s offer, and he realized that he was feeling the same kind of feeling as he did when they first met, like Yuki was some kind of damsel in distress, but he didn’t mind it. Yuki’s smitten thoughts of Momo were quickly replaced with panic as a battle of squids unfolded before his eyes.

“I was just trying to paint, can’t those squids leave me alone?”

“Hah, people can be so aggro in this game,” Momo replied, clearly amused at how Yuki’s peaceful tendencies manifested in the wild world of Splatoon. “Try pressing Y to do a fling shot with the roller, that should do the trick to get rid of the other squid bothering you! So you can get back to painting~”

Yuki bit his lip as he focused his aim on the opponent squid. “Like this?”

“Yeah, and if you press the right stick down like this,” Momo’s moved his hand over top of Yuki’s just long enough to show him the gaming maneuver before moving away. “You’ll be able to use a special weapon! Those usually help your team a lot~”

“I see,” Yuki’s curt reply didn’t show any of the butterflies in his stomach that were caused by Momo’s hand on his own, even if it was just for a second.

“Oh, look, the match is already over,” Momo noted, giving Yuki a reassuring pat on his shoulder. “You got the most ink coverage out of everyone! Do you like painting?”

Momo’s teasing question and light contact led to a light pink tint on Yuki’s cheeks, and he quickly handed the controller back to Momo. “Not particularly, but… I can’t help but wonder how you eliminated so many squids, while simultaneously painting the most ink… Do you have some kind of strategy in mind during the match?”

“It’s easier to rack up kills once you learn to fling the roller, but… I guess I just play a lot? After a while, it’s like I’m mindless as a squid… What’s the word?”

“Muscle memory?” Yuki suggested, shortly returning to fake-reading his notes.

“Yeah, that’s the word! I feel like gaming is mostly muscle memory,” Momo smiled, clearly pleased at how Yuki finished his own incomplete thought.

“I recently read somewhere that a cephalopod passed an intelligence test that was meant for human children, but,” Yuki shrugged, undoing the tightly tied back hair of his bun in an unintentionally alluring gesture. “You can never be sure about news stories nowadays.”

  
“That’s so true,” Momo giggled, his voice ending up somewhere in between lovesick schoolgirl and twenty-something soccer player. “You just have so many interesting things to say, Yuki! I love hanging out with you~”

“I do too, Momo,” Yuki tucked some of his hair behind his ears, sighing softly before continuing. “Do you mind if I ask you an... open-ended question?”

Momo tilted his head at Yuki’s suddenly somber tone of voice. “Sure thing, what’s up?”

“Have you ever wanted to help someone… But there was nothing you could do?”

“Well,” Momo clasped his hands together and rested his chin in his hands, seemingly deep in thought. “I’ve had moments like that, sure, but… Maybe you could be more specific?”

“Sure, let’s see, how should I say this,” Yuki silently cursed himself for trying to hide his distress from Momo in the first place, since he understood Momo to be extremely perceptive, and knew he could likely sense the weight behind Yuki’s words. “This might come as a shock to you but… I broke up with my boyfriend earlier today.”

Momo’s face fell at the sight of Yuki so disheartened, and he found himself wanting to reach out and hug him, but resisted the urge, allowing Yuki to get off whatever was on his chest before anything.

“I wont mince words, he had a drinking problem… Has one, rather. He had a bit of a screw loose, let’s put it that way. So I ended things between us,” Yuki’s words sounded increasingly tinged with pain as he went on. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done… I hate that I’m still thinking of him.”

“The way he treated you wasn’t your fault,” Momo decided to gently place a round squid plushie in Yuki’s lap, which Yuki squeezed immediately. “In the end, it’s up to him whether he gets help or not... You did your best, I’m sure?”

Momo’s last words came out as half reassuring, half questioning, but Yuki nodded regardless, the lump in his throat serving as a painful reminder of how unreliable his voice could be.

“Hey, I know! Why don’t you write a song about it?”

Yuki’s eyes widened as he finally found the strength to meet Momo’s eyes, and Momo spoke up again to effortlessly break the silence, along with a piece of the wall surrounding Yuki’s heart, unbeknownst to either of them.

“It seems like you’ve been through a lot, and I’m not much of a writer, but I heard one time that the best writers use their real life experience as inspiration,” Momo added, tapping his cheek with his finger while he pondered, which seemed to be a common mannerism of his, Yuki noted.

“You’re exactly right…” Yuki blinked slowly, almost getting lost in the sparkle of Momo’s eyes before eventually tearing his eyes away, taking a moment to collect himself before continuing. “How did you like to say it… Right on the money?”

“Heh, I like being right on the money,” Momo gave a few headpats to the squid plushie in Yuki’s lap in a playful gesture. “Anyway, you can crash here tonight, if you want. My sister won’t mind.”

Yuki was stunned into silence again, but still managed to nod in response somehow.  _ “He’s amazing… It’s almost like he read my mind… I don’t want to be alone tonight.” _

“I’m gonna go tell my sis that you’re staying over, but lemme know if you need anything, okay?”

Yuki nodded slowly, somewhat in disbelief as he watched Momo spring to his feet and run off into his sister’s room. Their indistinct conversation could be heard ever so slightly through her bedroom door, and within seconds, Momo reappeared in the living room with a determined expression while he held what appeared to be blankets, but Yuki couldn’t quite tell, with how dark the room had gotten once Momo flicked off the lights.

“You can take the couch, since my sister gave me a futon to put down on the floor!”

“Are you sure…?”

“Positive! I kinda like sleeping on futons anyway,” Momo’s bright smile cut through the darkness of the living room as he threw down the futon and crawled into it, grabbing a nearby bear plushie to hug tightly. “It’s almost like a sleepover~”

Yuki hummed in response, taking hold of the billowy blanket that Momo offered to him and covering himself from head to toe before adjusting his sleeping position on the couch.  _ “I can’t see very clearly, but… He looks cute with that bear.” _

“Feel free to hold onto Squiddo, by the way,” Momo spoke to Yuki in a much softer voice than Yuki had heard before. “You won’t drool on him in your sleep or anything like that… Or will you?”

“I won’t,” Yuki responded to Momo’s playful question, feeling almost at a loss for words as he lightly hugged the squid in his arms, immediately throwing away the thought of what  _ someone _ might feel like in his arms instead of the soft plushie. 

“Thank you, and goodnight… Momo.”

“Goodnight, Yuki~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu for my friend code if anyone wants to play splatoon i have like 600 hours and counting LOL can’t wait for splatoon 3 <コ:彡
> 
> (next chapter heavy angst incoming again along with yukiyama reminiscence explaining how they got together in the first place… it’ll be the last chapter that really focuses on yukiyama though before getting into yukimomo i swear :’) there’s also gonna be a really touching yukimomo moment though along with a ton of songfic in next chap so im rlly excited to write it bc the last time i wrote songfic was like 10 years ago lmao anyways thanks for reading as always!!)


	5. come undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title refers to the song by duran duran ^___^ english song for once.. shocking i kno !

_ “My hair is still wet,” _ was Yuki’s first thought as he woke up. As he felt the soft fabric of Momo’s couch, he was suddenly struck with the memory of last night, particularly when he had decided to dunk his head in a bathtub full of water and scream.

_ “What time is it…”  _ Yuki noticed the futon where Momo had fallen asleep was empty and felt a slight ache in his chest. _ “Did he already leave for class?” _

“Oh, you’re awake! G’morning~” Momo chimed from the kitchen, grabbing two bananas before heading back to the couch where Yuki was sitting with peach colored blankets wrapped around his shoulders.

“Thanks,” Yuki murmured in gratitude as Momo handed him a banana.

“I get sick if I don’t eat right after waking up, it’s kinda annoying, but anyway, whoa! Your hair is like, super wavy... Is that your natural hair?”

Upon Momo’s observation, Yuki ran his fingers through the silvery waves of hair that rested on his shoulders, and he felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“Oh, I know, you must’ve gone to sleep with wet hair! I like that look on you, unintentional yet stylish~” Momo cooed, which led to Yuki’s eyes darting away shyly.

“Thank you,” Yuki bit back a smile as he accepted Momo’s compliment. “Are you on your way out to class? I’ll be on my way out, as well.”

“No rush, you can chill here for however long you want! My sis already left for work, but,” Momo ran a hand through his hair as he averted Yuki’s eyes. “I was wondering if you want to get coffee together before class…?”

Yuki blinked slowly as he comprehended Momo’s words, and the attractiveness of Momo hit him all at once, like a truck barreling full speed down the street, and he was a clueless pedestrian.

The black and white shades of Momo’s bedhead framed his face perfectly, and his jawline and collarbones looked particularly sharp, now that Momo had changed into a black tank top that left little to the imagination, along with pink pajama pants that had tiny peach motifs along the sides.  


After admiring the striking sight that Momo was in his eyes, Yuki’s intake of breath was slightly labored, as he had almost completely forgotten the original question that Momo asked him.

“I would love to, Momo.”

* * *

“I’ll have the cinnamon dolce latte,” Momo recited his order so quickly that Yuki could safely assume he was a regular at that particular cafe. “Grande, please~ Oh, and iced, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing, and you, sir?” the barista faced Yuki, who looked increasingly puzzled the more he eyed the expansive menu on the wall.

“Ah, I’ll just have whatever he had,” Yuki showed a thin smile, and the barista nodded as he took both their orders. 

“That’ll be 1000 yen,” the barista glanced at Momo and Yuki back and forth, until the both of them looked at each other.

“It was my idea, so I got it~” Momo stepped in to hand the barista a small paper bill before Yuki could intervene.

“If you insist… You’re very kind,” Yuki stated somewhat tentatively, biting back a smile as he watched Momo drop his extra change in the tip jar.

“I just believe in karma and stuff like that! Maybe that’s what made us meet each other… Or would that be too far-fetched? I tend to have a lot of wild ideas.”

Yuki felt his heart skip a beat, even though he couldn’t tell if Momo was talking to himself or to him. Yuki suddenly remembered how he used to always default to letting Yamato pay for their dates, since Yuki knew that Yamato’s family was filthy rich, and he could only wonder what kind of financial circumstances Momo was in, not that he'd ever ask him directly.

“Ooh, the window seats are open~ That’s so rare,” Momo dashed off to grab the seat by the front window of the coffee shop, and Yuki looked on wistfully as he caught a glimpse of the irresistible sparkle in Momo’s eyes, watching all sorts of people walk by the cafe even though they didn't give him a second glance. 

“Two dolce lattes?” the barista called out, and Yuki scurried over to grab their drinks before heading back to where Momo sat in awe of every passerby.

Momo tore his eyes away from the window to look over to his side, watching eagerly as Yuki sat next to him. “I’m so excited, this is my favorite drink! You’ll see what I mean once you take a sip too~”

Yuki softly smiled as he noticed the cinnamon dusting the top of the iced coffee, and he swirled his straw around a bit in the drink before taking a sip.

“This is… very good.”

Momo’s face lit up at Yuki’s positive reaction. “I know, right?”

_ “Why does this flavor… Everything about this practically screams your name,”  _ Yuki thought to himself as he took another sip, resting his chin in his hand as he looked out the window. Sonder filled the crevasses of his heart, as he couldn’t help but wonder about the lives of each person that walked by the coffee shop.

Yuki wondered if some of them had their heart broken at some point, just like he did.

“Yamato… My ex-boyfriend,” Yuki clarified in a dejected voice. “I used to make coffee for him when he was hungover… He would tell me that coffee was like a godsend for hangovers... That I was his angel.”

“He was right,” Momo commented, and Yuki tilted his head, somewhat lost as to what Momo was getting at.

“I mean! You are angelic, there’s no doubt about that, but… That doesn’t mean you have to save anyone. Since you’re not a real angel.”

_ “Real angel, implying the existence of a fake angel… I’m not thinking clearly right now, so I can’t make sense of this,”  _ Yuki’s thoughts started racing along with his quickening heartbeat. _ “He has a point, I feel like I’m close to understanding him, but...” _

Momo gently placed his hand on Yuki's shoulder. “If you save yourself, that would be enough.”

Yuki’s eyes widened, and before he knew it, Yuki felt the gentle touch of Momo’s hand on his own cheekbones, brushing away a tear that had fallen from his eyes after they shared an indefinite silence.

_ “Why am I crying…?” _

Yuki’s tears fell silently, as they always did. As he watched Momo’s typically cheerful face contort with worry, Yuki finally realized that Momo was trying to ground him in reality again, with such simplistic and compassionate truths that he couldn’t help but be moved to tears. If Yuki was an angel, then Momo had just yanked him back down to earth from the heavens.

”I apologize, Momo,” Yuki said quietly as he brushed at his own eyes with his wrists, trying to pull himself together as he stood up to leave the coffee shop. “I won’t always be like this, but… I’m very weak right now.”

“I understand... I’m just glad I could help somehow,” Momo gave Yuki a reassuring look. “Try not to worry your pretty face about it~”

Yuki inhaled deeply as he looked at Momo, hints of adoration and pain swirling around inside his eyes, like ice cubes in a glass of water.

”Thank you for bringing me here, and staying with me when I needed it most… I don’t know what to say,” Yuki shuffled timidly as he stood by the door of the coffee shop on his way out. “I’ll be in touch… See you soon, Momo.”

Momo’s laughter mingled with the bustling sounds of the coffee shop, and as he waved goodbye to Yuki, his pink nail polish glimmered in the sunlight that filtered in through the window. “You’re welcome, Yuki~ Take care, okay? TTYL!”

Yuki covered his mouth as he laughed, wondering why Momo would say the text abbreviation out loud instead of just saying the whole phrase, but he ultimately shrugged off the trivial thought as he adjusted his shoulder bag.

So as to bury the hatchet with Yamato and everything they had together, Yuki finally decided to take Momo’s advice and write a song once he got home from class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> going to starbucks and chugging iced coffee was my weekend ritual after too many drinks the night before so writing that part felt so organic lol.. i kinda like using little bits and pieces from my own undergrad life for this fic :’^) starting grad school soon and feeling Olde but it’s fine bc yamato will always be #1 ossan amirite…
> 
> also this is prob me just stating the obvious too but i decided to make yuki songwriting its own chapter (next chap) bc it honestly really deserves its own chapter… yuki the songwriting king amirite!! anyway thanks for reading as always <3


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